How to Get Out of Debt as a Solo Mum: Gentle Steps That Really Work

Life doesn’t always go to plan. Single incomes, rising bills, unexpected expenses and simply trying to keep everything afloat can all lead to debt, even when you’re doing your very best. And while it might feel tempting to ignore it and hope it goes away, debt has a way of sitting in the background, stealing your peace of mind.

I know this feeling well. At one point, I found myself around £18,000 in debt, from court and solicitor fees during my divorce and I was trying to manage everything alone and feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. It wasn’t because I was careless with money — it was because life happened. And if you’re in a similar place right now, I want you to know that there is a way forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

This post isn’t about blame or pressure. It’s about gentle steps, realistic options and finding a way forward that feels manageable for you. We’ll talk about simple ways to start getting out of debt, including the snowball and avalanche methods, and how to choose an approach that suits your life right now.

You don’t have to fix everything today. You don’t have to be perfect. And if I can start working my way out of £18,000 of debt, I truly believe that you can take your first steps too because really that’s how it all starts with a first step. 

Being in debt isn’t always painful because of the numbers but because of the feelings that come with it. The shame, guilt, fear, overwhelm and the constant worry that you “should have done better” can sit heavily on your shoulders. Especially as a solo mum, it can feel like all the responsibility is yours to carry and no one to just off load your worries too. 

But here’s something important that often gets forgotten: debt is not a personal flaw. It’s usually the result of circumstances, not poor character. From relationship breakdowns, reduced income, childcare costs, rising living expenses and unexpected bills this can push even the most careful person into debt.

Ignoring your debt doesn’t make it disappear, but also beating yourself up about it won’t help either. The goal isn’t to judge your past decisions, you did what was best at that time instead the goal is to gently understand where you are right now so you can make changes and move forward with clarity and confidence.

Looking at your debt with honesty even though it may be scary and overwhelming is really an act of self-care, not self-criticism. It’s about saying, “This is where I am, this is my starting point, and that’s okay.” Once you remove the shame, you create space for solutions, progress and hope.

You don’t need to have all the answers yet. Simply acknowledging your debt without judgement is a powerful first step — and one you can be proud of.

Before you can start making a plan to get out of debt, it really helps to know exactly what you’re dealing with. And I know — this can feel like the scariest step. Once you see all the numbers in one place it might bring up anxiety or fear, but try to remember this: the debt already exists whether you look at it or not. Writing it down doesn’t make it worse — it makes you aware of your situation and it gives you back some control. I made a blog post about gaining control of your finances if you want to read that post first or next you can do so here “How to gain control of your finances” 

Getting clear about what you owe isn’t about fixing anything yet. It’s simply about awareness.

To do this calmly set aside a little time when you won’t be rushed. Make a cup of tea, take a deep breath, and gather any letters, emails or apps that show what you owe. Then write down each debt, including:

• Who the debt is with

• The total balance

• The interest rate (if there is one)

• The minimum monthly payment
  
  

If that feels like too much, start even smaller. You can list just the balances to begin with and come back to the details later. There is no right or wrong way — only what feels manageable for you right now.

It’s completely normal to feel emotional during this step. If you need to pause, that’s okay. You can even set aside 5 - 10 minutes a day to start with. Remember you don’t need to take action straight away. Simply seeing the full picture is a powerful moment, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Once everything is written down, you might be surprised. For some people, it feels less overwhelming than the constant unknown as you are taking the fear away from the unknown. For others, it may feel heavy at first — but clarity is the foundation of every debt-free journey.

Remember this is just your starting point. No judgement. No pressure. Just information — and the knowledge and awareness that from here, things can start to change.

Many others who talk about paying off debt advise you to pay hundreds of pounds off each month, however if you are already on a tight budget this can feel extremely overwhelming and one reason people hide away from their debt, however I want to do this a little differently.

Before we talk about how to pay off debt, it’s important to create a little bit of breathing space first. This doesn’t mean finding hundreds of pounds a month or cutting all joy from your life. It simply means freeing up something — even a small amount — that can be used to start chipping away at your debt.

If you’re a solo mum, chances are your budget already feels tight and trying to find extra money for debt may feel impossible. It’s important to remember: you are not failing if there isn’t much spare money right now. Progress can start with £5, £10 or £20. Small steps still count.

Start by gently looking at where your money is going each month. Not to judge yourself — just to notice. Are there any subscriptions you’ve forgotten about? Any payments that no longer serve you? Even cancelling or reducing one small thing can help create that first bit of space. It’s called finding your money leaks. 

Next, think about small swaps rather than big sacrifices. This might look like:

• Switching to a cheaper brand for one or two items on your weekly food shop

• Having one extra home-cooked meal a week or having leftovers

• Pausing non-essential spending temporarily, not forever by having a no spend weekend
  
  

Paying off your debt isn't about deprivation. You still deserve comfort, treats and moments of joy. It’s about finding balance and choosing what matters most right now.

If things feel particularly tight, it may also be worth contacting creditors to ask about reduced payments or breathing space options. This can feel daunting with a lot of feelings of guilt and shame however many companies are more understanding than we expect — and you are allowed to ask for support.

The goal here isn’t perfection. It’s simply to find a little room so that when you do start tackling your debt, it feels possible rather than overwhelming.

Once you’ve created even the smallest bit of breathing space and lowered your anxiety, you’re ready for the next step — choosing a debt repayment method that works for you however that may look. 

So which method is best for you? When it comes to paying off debt, there isn’t a “right” or “wrong” method, everyone is different and has different circumstances therefore choose a method (even if it isn’t one of these two) that only works with what is best for you. Both the snowball and avalanche methods can help you get out of debt, but they suit different mindsets and stages of life.

If you need motivation, encouragement and quick wins to keep going, the snowball method may feel more supportive. If you’re comfortable with numbers and want to save the most on interest over time, the avalanche method might suit you better.

What matters most isn’t which method looks best on paper — it’s which one you can stick with. You’re allowed to choose the option that feels easier, calmer or more achievable right now.

And remember, you can always change your approach later. Progress is progress, however you make it.