10 Real-Life Steps I Used to Gain Control of My Finances as a Single Mum

Disclaimer

I am not a financial advisor. This content is based on my personal experience and is for educational purposes only.

If you’re anything like I was a few years ago, the idea of looking at your finances might make your stomach turn a little.

I know what it feels like to avoid checking your bank account because you’re scared of what you might see. I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed, ashamed, and completely alone with the financial pressure — especially when you’re a single mum and everything falls on you.

A few years ago, I was £18,000 in debt. Most of it came from solicitor and court fees after fighting for my son and going through a divorce. I didn’t have savings, I didn’t feel in control, and money caused me constant stress.

Fast forward to now, and I am completely debt-free. I’ve built a solid emergency fund, I feel calmer about money, and I finally feel like I’m moving towards real financial stability.

I’m not sharing this to brag — I’m sharing it to show you that change is possible, even if right now it feels really far away.

In this post, I want to gently walk you through the 10 things I did to gain control of my finances, in the hope that they help you feel less overwhelmed and more confident with money too.

This was by far the hardest step.

Facing my money truth brought up a lot of emotions — shame, guilt, embarrassment, and fear. I felt stupid for getting into the position I was in, and for a long time I avoided looking properly at my finances because it just felt too much.

But eventually, I realised something really important: you can’t fix what you refuse to look at.

So I sat down and looked at everything:

• How much debt I had

• Who I owed money to (including family)

• What income I had coming in

• What bills needed paying every month

I had to remind myself that this wasn’t a judgement on me as a person — it was just information. And once I had that information, I finally had a starting point.

If you’re in this stage right now, please be kind to yourself. The fact that you want to gain control of your finances already says so much about you.

When I first started tracking my money, I was shocked by how much was going out that I didn’t even realise.

There were subscriptions I wasn’t using anymore, direct debits I’d completely forgotten about, and little spending habits that didn’t seem like much at the time but were quietly draining my bank account.

Tracking my money wasn’t about restricting myself — it was about becoming aware.

At the beginning, I tracked my spending every single day. Once my son had gone to bed, I’d quickly check my bank app or update my spreadsheet. These days, I track weekly because I know my patterns. However I am human and now and again I can lose control of my finances. When this happens I tend to start tracking everyday until I feel back in control again. 

You can track your money however works best for you:

• A spreadsheet

• A budgeting app

• Notes on your phone

• Pen and paper

There is no right or wrong way — the goal is simply awareness, not perfection.

One of the reasons people struggle to stick with budgeting is because they don’t really know why they’re doing it.

For me, my why was simple: I wanted peace of mind. I wanted to stop feeling anxious every time a bill came in. I wanted to know that my son would be okay, even if something unexpected happened.

Your why might be different. It could be:

• Wanting to get out of debt

• Wanting to feel calmer about money

• Wanting to provide more security for your children

• Wanting to save for something meaningful

Having a clear reason keeps you going on the days when you can’t be bothered and everything feels hard. I personally found saving my reason why as my screensaver on my laptop / phone really helped as I look at both of these each day. 

I know a lot of people say to ‘pay yourself first’, and that advice absolutely has its place. But for me, as a single mum, paying my important bills first helped me feel safe and lowered my anxiety. 

Knowing my rent, utilities, and food were covered took a huge weight off my shoulders. Once the essentials were paid, everything else felt far less stressful. As a Mum my most important job is to love my son and keep him safe. Paying these essential bills first helped me feel that I was keeping my son safe. 

To ensure I never missed or forgot a payment. I made sure I set up direct debits and standing orders wherever possible so I didn’t have to rely on memory alone. If I could I would try to pay as many bills as possible annually for it to be something I do not need to worry about each month.

Impulse buying used to be one of my biggest money leaks and most people including myself usually impulse buys when they feel tired, stressed, or overwhelmed.

These little impulse buys online was where most of my money leaks were. Now, if I want something, I instead pause. I leave it in my basket, add it to a wish list, or plan it into a future budget. By doing this most of the time when I come back to it and my emotions have calmed down I usually don’t end up buying the item anyway. 

By asking myself “Do I really want this, or am I just having a moment?” has saved me so much money over time.

I am not a financial adviser — I’m just a solo mum sharing what worked for me.

This journey isn’t about being perfect. It’s about making small, consistent changes that slowly add up to something life-changing. It’s also about being more aware of where you are in your finances for you to be able to start making the relevant changes no matter how small to make the progress you need to make. 

If you’re at the beginning of this journey, please know this: you’re not behind, you’re not bad with money, and you’re not failing.

You’re learning — and that’s incredibly powerful.

Until next time 

Rachel x